Musicians make me nervous

Tonight I got to play two of my songs at Cafe Revolution in the middle of a loose set by some of San Francisco's best. Rupa (Rupa and the April Fishes,) Ara Anderson, and Aaron Kierbel were among them. They did some of Rupa's songs and mostly just played together in the very small, very loud, very crowded bar. They sounded great.

When I got up to play I was nervous and shaky - these are real musicians, I'm just a faker with a voice and a guitar, I can hit a few notes but I don't know how to play along.

The vocal mic was too quiet but I played pretty well on Rupa's sweet Gretsch while Aaron drummed - he'll be with us on January 22nd. When I sat down again my friend Kate rolled her eyes and asked why I was nervous as people came up to get flyers from me and tell me I sounded great, "What do you have to be nervous about?" She asked.

Vermillion Lies is such a "thing," such a solid show that we have worked on and perfected. We have practiced and played those songs so many times they almost play themselves. The thing that keeps me present onstage is the audience - the interaction, the energy. Having my sister onstage is a comfort too.

When I play solo I carry the show myself - even if there are other musicians there I am the one that is "entertaining." And my songs are not as practiced or polished. Even if I'm playing a Vermillion Lies song it still feels different to be on my own up there.

I want to play solo more, want to explore the language of music in new ways.

I want to go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras and play and play and play.

Now I'm dreaming......

I want tomorrow's song to be amazing.