I've put up a new album on bandcamp.com, this will be the place I put new songs this summer. Just simple demo recordings.
I wrote this song while thinking about friends, artists, who've had to resort to getting day jobs to pay the bills. Now, I'm not against working to pay bills. I've certainly done my bit of punching time clocks. In this past year I have worked freelance as a writer, editor, graphic designer, and one night as catering staff at an event. My job was to wear black and pick up people's dirty dishes, but you know... glamorously.
What does make me sad is falling into the trap of thinking that some other job is going to pay a bunch of money AND leave time for art. I've had all kinds of jobs, and still done art. But day jobs eat up a part of me that I believe is too precious to be eaten.
Yes. I know. I am a very sensitive artist. And for most of my life most people I know have not understood how much it killed me to work, day in and day out. The freelance stuff is okay, it changes, it keeps itself fresh. But the other jobs, like waiting tables which was my highest paying job ever = DEATH.
Sensitive artist (see above.)
And you think, "I could be a stripper. Or a hooker. Taking my clothes off, and having sex, those are both things I do for free. Maybe I could do them for money?" But no. You couldn't... well I couldn't, but if you can and you like it then YAY! And I hope you're making a good living.
And then I think, "If I just waited tables a few nights a week..."
"And if I wasn't so scared about being able to eat then my life would be better."
"And maybe if there wasn't so much pressure on my music having to be 'successful' it would make my music better."
"If I could just BREATHE without feeling the cost of each breath..."
But nothing is free and I know from experience that each breath taken in a job is worth far more than any money paid me.
So yes, I work other jobs when I need to. I do what I have to do to get by.
And sometimes I think I just can't make it. I can't go on anymore like this. Living on the edge of financial chaos like I do.
So I wrote myself a song to remind myself why I keep going.
The Last
It's the last unicorn you'll ever see
Resigning itself to a life
In the cold winter sea.
It's the last love you'll ever know
So don't let it, don't let it,
don't let it, don't let it go.
How hard can you fight when you know you will lose,
But when it's your life how can you choose?
It's not a game you didn't come here to win,
You just try your hardest and do whatever you can to live.
I know what you think there's an easy way out,
You fell in the pit with the voices of doubt.
I know that they tell you you're not good enough,
"Get a job, make some money, life isn't that tough."
But it is.
How hard can you fight when you know you will lose,
But when it's your life how can you choose?
It's not a game you didn't come here to win,
You just try your hardest and do whatever you can to live.
It's the last unicorn you'll ever see
Resigning itself to a life
In the cold winter sea.
It's the last love you'll ever know
So don't let it, don't let it,
don't let it, don't let it go.
Oh don't let it, don't let it,
don't let it, don't let it go.
*
Gosh, I had no idea this post would be so long. But you know, another thing is: I know people with jobs who live on the edge of financial chaos. Sometimes those people make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and they just can't ever dig themselves out of a hole.
And then there's most of the earth's population living in poverty. So if I can eat anything at all and sing songs then I'm doing okay.
I also know that each person has to decide for themselves when they've had enough of something and when they need something new. I don't have a family to support which makes my topsy turvy lifestyle sort of viable.
And there is always the possibility that one of these days I will say, "ENOUGH! I want a house, and a bed, and a place to put things. And I want things. And healthcare. And to be able to give more to charities. And to not be always talking about my shows that people should really, REALLY come see."
That could happen. I could get a job. Any day now. But not today. And probably not tomorrow. Either.
So come to my
SHOW
p.s. Today I learned that the word 'Passion' comes from a root which means to suffer, and endure. Yeah...
