This is a sort of follow up to the last blog in which I said:
"…one of my deepest fears is that nothing will ever be enough, that I will be too busy reaching for the next shiny red apple to notice the juicy ripe peach that's in my mouth. I always want more. And striving is a wonderful thing, reaching for the stars is grand, but not if you miss the life while you're living it."
A few days ago an old friend wrote to me - I've known her since the day she was born - she was writing to tell me how much she loves me, she misses me and is wondering how my life is. I wrote her a very brief update:
I'm in Australia - in love with super amazing lovely Australian artist and film maker who makes my heart bigger and stronger and lovey. His name is Jim. Kim and Jim. Jim and Kim. Lalala.
You can see his stuff here: http://www.jimbatt.com
I'm touring a bit with my friend Amanda Palmer who has a cult following. We just played at the Sydney Opera House which was fun and great. I play dress up for a living!
I released my album - you can get it here: http://music.kimboekbinder.com
I'm glad to hear your mum is better. And that your dad is well.
Let's have a skype date after your thesis draft and my tour is done. Mid feb - your birthday time!
And she wrote back:
That's incredibly wonderful and my heart is soaring for you, your Love and your fun tour with Amanda (who is exquisite, I MUST say...)
This is so great----darling, in case you haven't noticed…you're DOING IT!
I am so proud that you are playing dress-ups for a living and can't help feeling like a rooted part of that crazy tree...and I'm so glad to know you still my darling friend."
And then I think, "Yeah…I'm doing it, aren't I?"
It's easy to think it isn't enough. I don't want to just rap in one song at the Sydney Opera House, I want my own fucking show there. I don't want to just release an album, I want it to be a runaway hit.
But this is a step. A good step. A step that needs to be made. Release the album, play the little shows. Be the support act. Sometimes you play to empty rooms. But always be sparkly, always give it everything, always be present, always be you.
I'm impatient. Yes. But I can be present. Right now. I am doing it. Playing dress up for a living. Having hard shows, good shows, great shows. Being no one, being someone, being.
Step by step, slowly and with intention. Head up, heart open. Walking into the sky.